I think a lot of times when people hear of the term "Spiritual Awakening" they automatically assume its this glitzy glamorous awakening with all healing and peace but that couldn't be further from the truth. Honestly, my awakening was the scariest thing I've ever been through and that's saying a lot.
Prior to my awakening I was an extremely anxious person, I drank and used drugs a LOT to mask my anxiety instead of working through it, all I cared about was my looks, I attracted nothing but narcissists and played the victim of "why me?" with everything.
My spiritual awakening was the most frightening thing to ever happen to me, but also the BEST thing that could have ever happened to me and I say that with the utmost honesty. Here's why....
At the time of my spiritual awakening I was living in an apartment I had lived in for 4 and a half years in Northern Virginia, roughly 20 minutes outside of Washington, D.C. The first three years of living there, strange things would happen on and off but I ignored them. Then on the fourth year I lived there, everything began to change. My apartment suddenly became haunted (yes, it was legitimately haunted), and I began seeing spirits in my doorways, random things would fall off the walls and slam to the ground, I physically witnessed my laundry room door open and close on its own (it was a real door and I physically witnessed the handle turn all the way down and up), I developed sleep paralysis for the first time ever, and I thought I was going INSANE.
Mind you, I lived alone while all of this was happening.
A friend of a friend who had passed away a few months prior had also showed up in my apartment and would stand in my bedroom doorway. However, I also had three other spirits that hung out in my apartment and would bully me. One would hangout in my laundry room and every time I went in there I could literally feel him sucking my energy through my back, yes, it was TERRIFYING.
I remember the first time I developed sleep paralysis in that apartment, I didn't see anything bad. I actually saw a man sitting on my bed next to me. He was heavy set, white hair, looked like Santa Claus actually lol, and he kept telling me to look under the bed and to follow my mission to help people and told me I was an earth angel and came here to help people. I remember waking up from that sleep paralysis and I called my parents telling them I was going to commit suicide because I never wanted to experience something so terrifying ever again. For those of you who know what sleep paralysis is or have personally experienced it, the scariest part isn't what you see per se, but the fact that you're fully awake and completely paralyzed simultaneously. It's frightening.
I then began being able to communicate with these spirits that were in my apartment. I always knew I was clairvoyant prior to this, but this experience opened up my other gifts (in addition to having reiki done). However, at the time I didn't know exactly how to communicate with them so I would just talk to them (warning, if you don't know how to communicate with spirits then don't risk it because you can end up attracting bad things). I asked them what they wanted from me and why they were in my apartment. I found out one had actually passed away in my apartment (it was built in the 60's) years ago and felt he passed too soon. The other two never fully gave me an answer but this particular one did.
I developed severe paranoia and schizophrenia while going through all of this (both are gone now) because I was constantly living in fear. Imagine living alone with spirits who are bullying you in your own house and no one believing you. My family thought I was completely insane and didn't believe me nor did my friends. I felt like I had no one to turn to about all of it.
I was terrified, lonely, scared, angry, anxious, paranoid, suicidal.
Cut to, I could now hear spirits talking in my ear and touching my back and shoulders. Something I had never experienced before. I went to visit a friend in NYC one weekend in the midst of this and I remember having a panic attack walking through Manhattan because I could suddenly hear and see EVERYTHING about every person I was passing. It was sensory overload and I freaked out. I was awakening and didn't realize it.
I went back to my apartment that week and began getting constant visions exactly of what I'm doing now; building my own website, brand, doing readings for people and helping them. I also began getting intense visions and hearing things of just every single thing that was going to happen in my future and they all ended up playing out exactly as I saw/heard them.
To summarize, I ended up calling in five different psychics to come clear my apartment because I was too terrified to stay there. Two of them tried to clear it and weren't able to due to the energy of the two spirits who constantly bullied me. To say it was intense is an understatement.
I ended up living with one of the psychics for two months because I was too afraid to stay at my own apartment after all of that had happened. I eventually went back to my apartment.
This is when the toxic mold began.
The toxic mold was a direct reflection of my current reality at that time. Dark.
My reality was very dark. But with every dark situation there is light at the end of the tunnel. The darkest moment of my life ended up being the most pivotal moment for my growth.
Just when I thought the spirits were "gone" and the dark days were over, came a whole new set of challenges. Mold not only made me extremely sick, but also robbed me of everything including everything I've ever owned for 27 years, money, job, people, health, and my sanity. I thought I was going insane and couldn't figure out why this was happening to me. I kept saying "why me??"
The mold I will explain in my next blog post because I want to focus strictly on my awakening in this one. Although mold completely destroyed my life, I was able to rebuild my life completely and this is what began my rebirth.
I remember telling everyone that losing everything from mold was going to be my "rebirth" and what a rebirth it was. I completely transformed as a person. Prior to my awakening and becoming sick from mold I only cared about material things, going out partying, and looking "perfect." I knew I always had the gifts that I had; however, I suppressed them with drinking and drugs prior to my awakening.
I would get random INTENSE visions and hear things about everyone and everything during my awakening; hence the paranoia and schizophrenia I believed I was initially experiencing until I found out it was my gifts being opened and awakened.
I also began getting visions of me moving out of that apartment and everything playing out exactly how it is now. The visions I was manifesting and didn't even realize it.
Once I moved into my new apartment some of the spirits from the haunted/spiritual awakening apartment had followed me there. Mind you, I moved six times one year due to mold problems that was making me very sick, so after the first initial apartment I moved into after the haunted one, the spirits never followed me again after that.
My spiritual awakening pushed me to be the person I am today, which I am beyond grateful for.
After all the darkness I went through, I can now see things clearer than ever. My spiritual awakening not only taught me how to see things clearer, but cleared mostly all the toxicity out of my life. I have a greater appreciation for everything now. I see everything with vibrancy. I am completely open minded, I no longer judge and I no longer see people, I only see souls (I think that mainly came from doing a lot of readings also).
I no longer care to indulge in pointless conversations, activities, or judgement. I rarely go out now mainly due to health reasons but also because I know it's not meant for my highest good. I know what is meant for my highest good now and that's surrounding myself with people who love, nurture, support, and appreciate both me and the work that I do.
My awakening also taught me to appreciate being at peace with being alone. I used to be THE most codependent person prior to my awakening and now I love being alone. I crave being alone. I crave peace and quiet and loneliness as crazy as that sounds.
You learn the most about yourself when you give yourself enough time to be alone. Alone with your thoughts, emotions, and actions. So that way you're able to process every single emotion and decipher exactly where its coming from and why. This is how I'm able to decipher and process everything I pick up during my readings. I practice daily by talking myself through every single action I make throughout the day and processing how and why it happened, where it came from, and what triggered it. This not only helps me raise self awareness for myself but helps me provide my clients with the most accurate readings as possible.
Had I not gone through my spiritual awakening I never would have blossomed into the person that I am today. It was the darkest, loneliest, scariest time in my life but the other side of it is so beautiful. It was so worth it to me. It is my daily reminder that there is always good in bad and bad in good. Reminds me of the yin and yang; reminding us that you can always find the good in the bad, and the bad in the good. Always.