I think a lot of times when people hear of the term "Spiritual Awakening" they automatically assume its this glitzy glamorous awakening with all healing and peace but that couldn't be further from the truth. Honestly, my awakening was the scariest thing I've ever been through and that's saying a lot.
Prior to my awakening I was an extremely anxious person, I drank and used drugs a LOT to mask my anxiety instead of working through it, all I cared about was my looks, I attracted nothing but narcissists and played the victim of "why me?" with everything.
My spiritual awakening was the most frightening thing to ever happen to me, but also the BEST thing that could have ever happened to me and I say that with the utmost honesty. Here's why....
At the time of my spiritual awakening I was living in an apartment I had lived in for 4 and a half years in Northern Virginia, roughly 20 minutes outside of Washington, D.C. The first three years of living there, strange things would happen on and off but I ignored them. Then on the fourth year I lived there, everything began to change. My apartment suddenly became haunted (yes, it was legitimately haunted), and I began seeing spirits in my doorways, random things would fall off the walls and slam to the ground, I physically witnessed my laundry room door open and close on its own (it was a real door and I physically witnessed the handle turn all the way down and up), I developed sleep paralysis for the first time ever, and I thought I was going INSANE.
Mind you, I lived alone while all of this was happening.
A friend of a friend who had passed away a few months prior had also showed up in my apartment and would stand in my bedroom doorway. However, I also had three other spirits that hung out in my apartment and would bully me. One would hangout in my laundry room and every time I went in there I could literally feel him sucking my energy through my back, yes, it was TERRIFYING.
I remember the first time I developed sleep paralysis in that apartment, I didn't see anything bad. I actually saw a man sitting on my bed next to me. He was heavy set, white hair, looked like Santa Claus actually lol, and he kept telling me to look under the bed and to follow my mission to help people and told me I was an earth angel and came here to help people. I remember waking up from that sleep paralysis and I called my parents telling them I was going to commit suicide because I never wanted to experience something so terrifying ever again. For those of you who know what sleep paralysis is or have personally experienced it, the scariest part isn't what you see per se, but the fact that you're fully awake and completely paralyzed simultaneously. It's frightening.
I then began being able to communicate with these spirits that were in my apartment. I always knew I was clairvoyant prior to this, but this experience opened up my other gifts (in addition to having reiki done). However, at the time I didn't know exactly how to communicate with them so I would just talk to them (warning, if you don't know how to communicate with spirits then don't risk it because you can end up attracting bad things). I asked them what they wanted from me and why they were in my apartment. I found out one had actually passed away in my apartment (it was built in the 60's) years ago and felt he passed too soon. The other two never fully gave me an answer but this particular one did.
I developed severe paranoia and schizophrenia while going through all of this (both are gone now) because I was constantly living in fear. Imagine living alone with spirits who are bullying you in your own house and no one believing you. My family thought I was completely insane and didn't believe me nor did my friends. I felt like I had no one to turn to about all of it.
I was terrified, lonely, scared, angry, anxious, paranoid, suicidal.
Cut to, I could now hear spirits talking in my ear and touching my back and shoulders. Something I had never experienced before. I went to visit a friend in NYC one weekend in the midst of this and I remember having a panic attack walking through Manhattan because I could suddenly hear and see EVERYTHING about every person I was passing. It was sensory overload and I freaked out. I was awakening and didn't realize it.